Sparrow Lessons: a single mom and devastation reigns...

my papa sparrow disappeared
i watched all day but he was gone
mama had been injured in the previous days storm
a hurt wing
a crooked flight
but she worked tirelessly
to the nest to feed the babies
and out for bugs
 to and fro
to and fro
and i watched

then i spot a baby sparrow in the yard
hopping and flying all clumsy and proud
it goes for a drink and falls in the birdbath
it is trying to fly into the nest but mama says no
she knocks him away and flies to feed to the others
he is crying on the ground hungry and she stops and looks at him
then up she goes to the others
and i am mad
she is ignoring her baby!
the baby cries at her and follows her and she ignores him entirely
he has gotten up beside the nest and when she comes he jumps out asking for food
she just hops by and feeds the rest.
i stand so still he looks at me and jumps onto the tea towel i am holding
i lift it to the house, right to the hole so he can climb in
but he flies away and shortly is gone from the yard

i am worried and mad at the mama
i go to the nest and look at the babies,
they just pop their heads out and stare
three tiny babies
and i realise something
    ~that was not her baby
they are much smaller and no where near leaving the safety of the house
that's why she didn't feed him
that's why when he could climb in ~he didn't
he was lost and thought that was home
but when he could see into the house he knew
this was not home
that was not mama
not for him

and i am struck by the fact she thought about feeding him
she is a single mama of three with an injured wing
she cant take in another
but i saw her consider it
he mattered to her
and i think if she had not lost papa
if she had not had three hungry mouths to feed
she may have taken him in.

my faith restored in my little mama bird i watched her the rest of the evening
coming with food and going for more
left to the task of raising her babies all alone

that was the day before yesterday

yesterday was so cold

thunderstorms and rain all day
i was in bed with a headache when i decided to look outside
to see if my babies were ok

i saw a male bird hanging around the nest
he seemed to be acting strange
he flew right in and was pushing out a feather thru a crack in the side

i stormed out

he flew only to the arch and watched

we opened the nest and it was empty
i knew the babies were to small to fly
frantic now and with my stomach rolling i went searching

i only found one tiny baby, trying to hide under the fence it had died
wet and cold and alone
and i cried
we buried him in a tiny box under my tiny apple tree
 and i cried
i told my husband to take the nest out
and i cried
he said it could wait
and i cried
i said NO i don't want the male sparrow stealing from it!!!!
and i cried
so he did it
and i cried

we came inside
and i cried
we went to bed
and i cried
now i am here this morning writing this terrible hurtful story 
and i am crying still

and the male sparrow who would rob a nest so recently emptied?
i think he is the papa
i don't know where he was
maybe he hit a window and someone put him in a box to come around
maybe the storm winds took him and he had a long way home
but he came home
and his family was gone

why do i think this?
because he is crying too
he has been crying since he got here to the empty nest
like a tiny baby bird that is starving he cries
he goes in the house and cries
he sits on my arch and screams
then cries
i just saw him on the fence with a tiny feather we had left in the house
holding it crying
some of you may not think birds cry
i hope you never have to hear it
it is the sound of a heart breaking
it is the look of utter despair

i took down the nest to save the memory of my baby birds
but i stole their papas memorial in doing so
and my heartache feels complete