a change... for life

so i have been pretty quiet on my blog lately, not because i have nothing to say, but because i have been doing, instead of saying for the last while.  so much has happened both good and bad, but ultimately all good i suppose since all things work together for good for those who follow Jesus and that includes me...

i realised that while i was happy with my life, i was also being more of a spectator than a participant, and so i have started to do, not just say i want to do, but actually do

i have started exercising, which i know many people do every new years for a month or two, but i have never been much of a new years resolution girl, i am much more "make a resolution and keep it, or don't make it" girl, so not a new years thing, a lifestyle thing

in keeping with the get healthy to live my life attitude, i have cut out almost all sugar, most fat, and my beloved creamer for my coffee....

a step i swore i would never ever take, and i gotta say the first few days drinking coffee with milk and splenda,
 i was glad i was a ~ get it done, to stubborn to quit girl,

 because the creamer called, crooned, sang, whispered and finally really screeched

~but i resisted~

and after awhile i got used to the new coffee, it was not as tasty, not as creamy, not as sweet, but it was still hot and filled with caffeine, and while whole milk is not international delight, it was sorta creamy

and i noticed two things right away
i lost 9 pounds in one week
and i felt ~better~
the coffee with all the creamy sugary gunk in it was supposed to be a treat to start my day
and it smelled like one
and it felt like one in the warm cup on cold hands
and it tasted like one
but there was something i didn't see about it while i was drinking it
it made my queasy
it made me slower
it took the place of breakfast
and
it made me fat
which made me slower
and grumpy
i found it hard to play with my kids
i didn't want to sit on the floor
i didn't want to chase them
i didn't want to go for a walk
i was always tired

just a few days without this thing i thought was vital to my existence and i felt
better
faster
hungry, for actual food
i felt like chasing my babies
i sit on the floor with them to read a book
i bought an elliptical, well i should say my husband bought me an elliptical because he always encourages me in what i want to do, always wants to see me succeed

and i started using it

every single day

i have missed one day since i got it, yesterday, when i decided scrubbing the house was a good enough workout

i started eating fresh food
i have always fed it to the kids, they love veggies and fruit
i never ate it myself because it is so expensive
but i have decided that i am important
to my husband
to my kids
to my sister
to my friends
and to Jesus
and i need to take care of me

i was feeling very good
and so i upped the anty
i switched from whole milk to 2% in my coffee
i now drink tea
but i love tea so it really isn't a hardship
i will never go back to the creamer
because i now see the international delight for what it is
a stealer of my life

i choose life
and i have lost 20lbs

what i love about...

my husband
*that he encourages every crazy idea i get
*that he loves what i create
*that he gets up with the kids and lets me sleep in every week
*that he makes supper half the time even when i don't give him credit for it
*that he works long hours to support his family
*that he cares about his work and does his best, even when no one is watching
*that he admits his mistakes and doesn't blame others
*that he loves his kids soooo much
*that he will wear sparkly wings and pearls, just to make his daughter smile
*that his face is so very expressive and moldable
*that he has a gorgeous smile
*that he thinks he is funny... and i usually agree
*that he helps me around the house
*that he will look after our kids when i have a headache
*that he will look after our kids when i need to go create
*that he doesn't call it babysitting, he calls it being dad
*that he reads my blog even tho he would rather be looking at bikes
*that his dog matches mine so very nicely
*that he loves me, even when i am unlovable
*that he has integrity
*that he loves Jesus
*that he makes a great mad face when we are out and someone is disrespectful
*that he protects the kids, and his wife
*that he has sparkly eyes and a strong masculine face
*that he loves my family
*that he knows me
*that he is kind
*that he has a great butt :)

my daughter
*how she mothers her brother
*the way she forgives
*her sparkly eyes
*her mischief face
*her laugh
*her drawings
*her compassion
*the sounds she makes when she plays dinosaurs
*that she loves faeries
*that she loves dragons
*that she loves her brother
*her hands
*her cowgirl attitude
*her beautiful long hair
*the way she picks such colorful outfits
*her tiny kisses
*the way she saves up my kisses in her heart
*her stories
*her silly jokes
*her teacher voice
*her imagination
*the way she loves
*the way she sleeps so peaceful and sprawled out
*her printing
*her dancing
*her singing a made up song just for me
*her hugs

my son
*his super cuteness
*the way he runs
*the way he makes train sounds
*the way he sneaks up behind me to give me a snuggle
*his slobbery kisses
*his crazy lick face
*his Independence
*his sense of humor
*his eyes
*his smile
*the way he reminds me of his daddy
*the way he reminds me of my daddy
*his sensitive gentle spirit
*his laugh
*his excitement
*his imagination
*his super hero underwear, and the fact he wants to wear them
*the way he apologizes from his heart
*how he forgives
*his cheeks
*his belly
*the way he loves water
*when he sings
*his fake sad face
*his fake cute face
*his scrunched up smile
*his scared face
*how he loved to be scared
*the way he says "i love you mommy"

my sister
*her laugh
*the way we both sound like our mother
*that she is always there for me
*that she prays for me
*that she prays for what i need not what i want
*her smile
*her compassion
*her children
*her wisdom
*the way she shares her wisdom with kindness
*her servants heart
*the way she loves my kids
*that i have gotten to know her
*that she accepts me as i am not as she thinks i should be
*that she is a kindred spirit
*that she loves Jesus
*her creativity
*the way she organizes her fabric
*that she sews so beautifully
*that she sews things for me
*that she sews things for my family
*that being in her home feels like home
*playing dollies with her
*her sense of humor
*her ipad (jealous)
*that she loves her dogs
*watching her get excited about horses
*her cooking
*that she is honest
*that she has integrity
*that she speaks truth into the lives of those who surround her
*that she blesses me
*that she blesses my family

my mom
*her sense of humor
*that i can so perfectly mimic her stern voice
*her gardens
*the way she made christmas
*her blue eyes
*her love of birds
*her compassion
*the way she has worked to make her life what it is
*the way she knew if a finger shadow was touching her when she was tanning
*the hummingbird in the flower
*her laugh
*her spark
*her hands
*her stories
*patty watty watty watty watty
*that when push comes to shove ~ family is first
*that i can tell her the truth and i know she will tell me exactly what she thinks
*her love of dolls
*her artists heart, and that she gave it to me, and my daughter
*that she respects the earth
*the way she makes each place she lives more beautiful when she leaves than when she arrived
*"wreck wreck wreck" and how it still makes my daughter laugh
*having tea with "dunkers"
* the dresses she sewed me and how they twirled
*my rag dolls
*her love of flowers
*that she is my mom, through good and bad

this is just a small list of some of the people i love and some of the many things i love about them...  it really is the people, not the things, that make life rich.

over a year and barely a moment

it is over a year now since we said goodbye, and barely a moment passes that you are not remembered.
so many moments spent thanking God for the time we had,
so many things i wish i could have shared with you,
so many moments spent missing you

so much advice i wish you could have given me

a whole year...
a year without fresh garden tomatoes,
delivered with love
and paid for with tea and a visit

a year without email updates on family and friends
i am left wondering how Mrs. Tindale is...
among others...

a year full to bursting with blessings, and grief...

i have made it through a whole year without you
and that in itself is sad to me.

i painted my kitchen, i think you would like it

i am learning to embrace color, i really have no choice as my daughter loves all colors, the more color the more beautiful a thing can be

my son loves trains, and strawberry shortcake (the doll and the dessert)

i got a puppy ~ she is all grown up now
frank got a puppy ~ he is half grown as well

i found peace ~ it slipped away ~ i found it again, for a moment

my daughter started school, playschool, but a big deal for her
kindergarten next year ~french immersion~

my son painted his room ~ with sticky, stinky yellow soap, which is better than what he used last time

my garden was beautiful, i know you would have loved it...

so many stories told to others, but not to you

a whole long year has passed here without you,
i suppose it is different for you,
eternity understood, in the presence of our Lord
a moment in forever...

but here it is a long time....
and i still miss you