my son is wonderful
he is sweet
and caring
and gentle
and stuborn
he loves ferociuosly
and has the best mad face i have ever seen
he swings way to high and laughs at the danger,
even tho he knows he can fall,
he has fallen
has tasted blood
and felt the hard ground so suddenly he has lost his air
still the thrill of flight drives him to new heights
and my mamas heart cringes while he laughs in delight
i see the danger
i still hurt from his last fall
this little man has so completely captured my heart
that i don't know how i could possibly draw breath if he were not here
so when he told me he did not want Jesus in his heart
that he did not like to pray and would NOT pray
my heart collapsed
i could not explain how much it mattered
because his heart was hard as stone
i could see the stuborn determination in his eyes
he was not going to give control over
he was not going to say sorry, not to anyone
and esspecially not to God
all i could do was pray
and thats what i have been doing
and thats what his daddy has been doing
yet there seemed little change
and then something happened that filled my heart to bursting
his sister started to pray
she prayed everyday
she witnessed everyday
she asked him if he wanted to pray
she was not pushed back by his unbeleif
she told him he needed Jesus
and she kept telling him
i could hear them playing in the yard and her beautiful voice wafting over to me on the breeze
"do you want to go to heaven with mommy and daddy and big sister?"
i was reminded of when he took his daddys medication and she came running to tell me,
she was three then and she saved his life
and she was determined to do it again
and slowly there was a softening
slowly there were questions about God
and he learned a song
"we've been raised for such a time
when history comes to the finish line
and the saints who've gone before
now watch to see us end our course"
and a few times he said he wanted to pray
but when it came time to speak words to God
he would push away and say "no!"
and we would keep praying
tonight we went to church
i almost didnt go
my head hurt
my knee hurt
and a thousand excuses rattled arround in my head
but somehow i knew i must
and while the band played and people worshiped
he was looking at the cross
it had a red light on it and looked pink
and his face was flushed with excitment
and he said he wanted to have Jesus live in his heart
then he started to pray on the spot
it was so loud i couldnt hear him
i asked if we should go where it was quieter and he agreed
so while people sang praises in the sanctuary
my son and i sat in the lobby
we talked some and he said
"i just dont know how to pray"
and i told him it was just like talking to me,
that God hears him and knows what he means when he talks to Him
i asked if he wanted me to say the words and he could repeat them
"no mom, I will do it"
and he bowed his little head and said:
"Jesus i am so sorry for my sins
please come live in my heart
(and there was a pause, he sighed, and in a trembling voice continued)
I'm just so so sorry for my sin
amen."
and angels rejoiced
and this mama rejoiced
then all flushed with excitment he told his daddy
and his sister
and the pastor
and anyone who would listen to him
and there was high fives and huggs
and big smiles all arround
tonight my sons name is entered into the book of life
and i know in my heart that the prayers of his sister helped him along
there is no greater gift
