of whispers and dollies and monsters a plenty...

today i had to have a serious talk with my beautiful daughter.
it was similar to when i had to explain we would no longer be seeing grandma Crossley anymore.
and she had the same question about another loved one

 ''but will we see her in heaven?"

i know the question was meant to comfort both her and i because we talk openly about the great joy of reuniting in heaven someday.

but it was not a comfort this time this time it was a reminder that not all stories have a happy ending
that some goodbyes are eternal
that we can't will someone else into faith
that we all make our choices
alone
and we all stand before God
alone

of course i was careful to explain only what i thought essential to my little girl
but i did have to say things i wish with all my heart my baby would never have had to hear
things about a broken heart
 and a broken family
 and a broken woman
 and a life filled with pain and regret

and she held me while i cried
then...
and she looked up and asked with hesitation
"but you love me right mommy?"
YES honey with all my heart
"and you will always care .....          about me...right mommy?
YES honey for all your long life i will.
and that was the simple truth.

i will make it my goal in life to raise a daughter (and a son) who knows beyond a shadow of doubt that their mother loves them with all her might, and their mother got her ability to love them that way from Jesus.

and in that act,

            ....that life long act,

i will end generations of regret.