of christmas past... and joys untold

we lived in an old two story house with secret rooms and wooden doors, and skeleton keys.  i had two little wooden doors off of my room one on each side, one was filled with dolls and fun, the other was dark and empty, but that is for another post.
there was a room in the hallway, an ordinary linen closet almost all year...

but a few weeks before christmas it would suddenly become a mysterious place, locked up tight.

we could look through the peephole and see ribbons and bright colored paper...

and sometimes my mom  would be in there and we could hear rustling paper and scotch tape being pulled from the roll...

o how i longed for just one glimpse inside the magical room...

out my mom would come singing a familiar song

"you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, i'm telling you why..."

weeks before the big day she would start...  a quick glance to the side...

"was that an elf?"

and my little head would swing side to side "where where????? i didn't see it!!!!"

then out came the christmas wish book... o the hours pouring over the glossy pages full of wonders, until i found just the very most perfect dolly and i would rip out the picture and carry it around for weeks with me just longing for that one perfect baby to love.  my life would be perfect if i got that baby, i just knew it!

and mom would say, "if you want santa to bring you that doll you better make sure all the others are cared for, i will be up to inspect and see that they all have clothes and are tucked in safe, you have to take care of all your dollies not just the new one."

as christmas approached my excitement would grow, and every christmas song, and every elf siting set my heart racing till i was sure i would explode,

and yes i drove my mom crazy with my constant chatter, so much so that she would come home one day a week or maybe even two before christmas with a gift for me,just to keep me quiet for a few days.  i never realized as a child how much joy one can find in the complete quiet, as a mom i too cherish quiet time.

the magic of christmas was tangible in our home when i was young, i was so very sure i would see an elf if i just turned my head at the right time, and the sparkle in my moms eye was a treasure all on its own.

she made our christmas perfect every year, she was christmas for us and it was not until i spent a christmas without her that i truly understood what she had done. 

without her magic christmas died,

for years the holiday that had meant everything to me, was nothing.  a disappointment. 

then i found Jesus, or should i say, He found me, and suddenly i realised that the baby i longed for every year as a child was not to be compared with the baby we were all given for "christmas" so very long ago.

and christmas was filled with magic once again.

now as a mom i strive every year to bring the magic my mom gave to me, and the magic that my heavenly Father gave to us all.

and its hard work!  and as i decorate the tree with my children i remember being the child, and loving the decorations and the lights, and believing that anything can happen, reign deer fly, and a stranger brings gifts, and my mom loves me.

and i hope my children feel the same way.

and i miss my mom,

my christmas mom, with the sparkly eyes and the crumple of paper, and the sneaky elves.

but i also enjoy being the mom,
and knowing that this year i will see the sneaky elves, and be a stranger who give gifts,
and read the christmas story, and add to our traditions my deep faith in the One who gave His only Son, and the Son who gave His very life, so we could have our lives back, for eternity...

i have found my favorite christmas song, i will post it here and if you want you can play it...

merry christmas