freedom comes

yesterday was hard...
the kids were (and still are) over tired as they have been for days
the potty training has not been exactly successful, for the boy or the puppy
a migraine, a sore back
and one disappointment after another
my mind was over full
and i was so very tired
to call yesterday a success would have been a stretch even for my very creative mind

today started so very similar...
i almost gave in to my desire to remain in pjs and skip church
i would like to say my great desire to teach my children the importance of corporate worship led me to make it happen, but the truth is i knew if i could just get them (and me) dressed and out the door....

i could drop them off in children's church and sit quietly for an hour while someone else chased them
sweet bliss... a cup of coffee that i would get to drink while it was still hot...

and as i took my seat, coffee in hand, and sighed a deep sigh of sheer relief...
i realised i had forgotten something...
and i could not stop thinking about it
i rose to sing and it clouded my mind
all the what ifs that come with a thing left undone...

i was in the one place where i could stop for a moment and focus on my savior and i was distracted by the what ifs

and as i struggled to sing, to focus, a thought fluttered just outside my understanding
a truth was waiting for me
a blessing
a glimpse of heavenly wisdom was waiting

for me

and for a moment i understood

                                               .....freedom comes....

when i let go of the what ifs and choose against all earthly wisdom to trust...
trust that i am here in this moment...
with Jesus
trust that i am where i am meant to be...
then, as i rest in that understanding...i am truly free
i could not change what i had left unfinished, that was not in my control anymore
but i could choose to let it go
i could choose to be here, in this moment of worship...

i forgot something...
and i found something better